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Author Topic: FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition  (Read 3428 times)

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FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« on: June 15, 2010, 11:21:55 AM »
Part 1

   “Good morning sir, my name is Watts, and I’m standing in this ward for the local elections!”

   It was the day before the local elections and I was feeling exhausted. There were only two more doors to visit and a gentleman with white curly hairs opened the penultimate door. He looked me up and down and asked if I consented to him recording my policies so he could consider them before the election the following day.

   “But of course!” I replied.

   He asked me to sit down in front of a video camera, which seemed to have a lot more buttons than most, but I waited for him to tell me to start and I started my standard election address.

   “My name is Stanley Watts, although most of my friends call me Sparky, and I am the Liberal Democrat candidate for the Estuary of Aeron ward in tomorrow’s local elections. I have decided to stand for the elections as although I am quite young I have lived in this ward all my life and feel I should give something back to the community. I realise that…”

   “And how do you feel?” asked the gentleman, as he switched the camera off.

   “Very well indeed!” I replied, “apart from a slight snuffle but then I do have a mild case of hay fever every now and again, but why did you switch that camera off? I had not even got to my main policy planks!”

   “You don’t feel any different?” the gentleman asked again, “like you could charge through a brick wall and emerge in one piece the other side?”

   “I feel perfectly normal!” I replied.

   The gentleman sat down next to me and sighed.

   “I am afraid I have not been entirely truthful” he said, “my name is Professor Static, late of the University of Wales, Cardiff. About 60 years ago, my great uncle, Doctor Static, invented a device that enabled cosmic rays to be used to enhance the physiology of any living creature. According to his notes it was only used on one person, your namesake actually, a Sparky Watts from New York state in the United States. About a month ago I found the blueprints for it and redesigned it to look like a video camera and during your election address exposed you to those rays hoping that you would become, in effect, a superhuman, but clearly it has failed. I hope that you will forgive me!”

   I looked at the Professor with an expression of amazement. I didn’t know what to think. Had I encountered an elector who had clearly gone, if you would pardon the phrase, “doolally”, or had he stumbled on a method to make people into supermen. I decided on the former and politely removed myself from his house leaving one of my election leaflets in the hallway and moved on to the next house.

   I was about to knock on the door when it opened and so I started on my introduction.

   “Good morning sir, my name is Watts…”

   “Yes I know” said the person, and stepped out into the daylight revealing that he was wearing a Labour rosette.

   “Ah” I said, slightly caught on the hop, “then you presumably know that there is no Labour candidate in this ward and that it is only myself and the Welsh Nationalist candidate who can win, therefore…”

   The person raised his hand and I stopped talking, he then folded his arms and started to speak.

   “I have voted Labour since I was old enough in 1964, since then I have voted for four Labour Prime Ministers. Harold Wilson, James Callaghan, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown. I voted for Brown in the 2010 election and when the result of the election was announced as no one party having an overall majority in the Commons, I instantly contacted my local party chair and told him that I would agree to any coalition deal with your party and wholeheartedly endorsed Gordon’s decision to create legalisation to change our voting system. And what did your party do? You jumped into bed with Cameron!”

   “But sir”, I said, being as polite as possible“If you watched the whole election programme you will have seen that your 258 MP’s and our 57 MP’s would still have been short of the 326 MP’s needed for a majority. We promised the British electorate that any coalition would be to create a strong and stable government. 315 MP’s does not make a strong and stable government and that is why…

   “I will never vote for your party at all. Good day, sir!” and with that he stepped back inside.

   “Can I at least offer you a leaflet?” I asked, handing him a leaflet.

   “NO!” he said and slammed the door. I suddenly realised that my hand was going to be trapped in the door and knew that I couldn’t move it quickly enough. I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth and hoped that the pain wouldn’t be too excruciating.

   After a few seconds, I gingerly opened my eyes to reveal that the door had not closed and that my hand was blocking it. The man opened the door, grabbed the leaflet from it and instinctively I pulled my hand out of the door which he slammed. I pulled up the sleeve of my jersey to inspect the damage and found to my amazement that there wasn’t any. Taking a pencil from my pocket, I marked the elector down as a “Anti” and then felt my wrist. Although not an expert, I couldn’t feel any broken bones nor see any cuts or bruises. I pondered my position for a moment and then came to the only obvious conclusion.

   “It worked!” I thought to myself and vaulted over the Professor’s garden fence. The Professor was gardening and I picked him up and twirled him around a few times. “Your machine, Professor” I said after settling him back down on the ground, “It works!” and explained what had happened.

   The Professor looked at me and smiled.

   “Fancy a few tests?” he asked and pointed at a rather large Stanley oven in the garden. “Any chance you could move that into the shed?” he asked and pointed to the bottom of the garden. I walked around the oven a few times.

   “But it must weigh a ton!” I said, “but if you insist”

   Squatting down, I put my fingers underneath it and to my amazement I started to lift the oven, first in a squat, then to my waist, then to my shoulders and then finally over my head. Still not believing what I was doing, I moved the oven to the location and put it down gently.

   “That’s impossible!” I said, as the Professor chuckled.

   “Now, how about a few jumps eh?” he said

   I did as he asked and landed a good half-mile from the Professor’s garden. As I made my way back, my mind was in a state of confusion and I sat down on a raised surface in the Professor’s kitchen to try and make sense of it all. As the Professor came in from the garden, I started to smell something.

   “Er, have you got something in the oven that’s burning?” I asked

   “No” replied the Professor, “it’s your trousers!”

   “What?” I exclaimed and realised I had spent the last few moments sitting on a working stove which had started to burn a hole in my trousers. I jumped down and started to pat them to cool them down and as I did so the Professor told me that I could do anything.

   “You are in effect a superhero, my lad. You can do anything and everything, just assure me that you won’t do anything to destroy the world!”.

   “Yes, sir!” I said, saluting and stamping my foot on the ground, which made the house collapse around me. As the Professor made his way out from under a table, I apolgised for the destruction of his house.

   “That’s alright” he said, “I can make another one! Now, how about a running test eh? Let’s say from here to Aberaeron, which is a mile away!”

   “That should take me at least 30 minutes then!” I smiled as the Professor started me off. However, as I ran off, the world turned into a blur. I screeched to a halt outside a town hall and asked a person if he could direct me to Alban Square in Aberaeron so I could get my bearings back.

   “Sorry, can’t help you there” he said in a broad accent. “You’re in Birmingham, England!”

   I thanked the gentleman turned around and ran back to the Professor’s house. When I arrived back I explained where I had gone and the Professor looked at his watch.

   “Son, you can run at over 1,000 miles per hour!” and then he smiled, “You’re going to need a superhero name and costume!”

« Last Edit: June 16, 2010, 11:20:14 PM by Yoc »

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FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« on: June 15, 2010, 11:21:55 AM »

Offline narfstar

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Re: Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2010, 08:25:12 PM »
Good start fun so far

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Re: Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2010, 12:43:07 PM »
Part 2

   “I have often thought of elections as the ultimate job interview and hope that over the last few weeks I have been able to answer your questions and receive your approval to become the new councillor for the Estuary of Aeron ward in the local elections”

   I e-mailed the letter to the local newspaper and sat back in my chair.

   “If that doesn’t win me the election” I thought to myself, “I don’t know what will!”

   After updating my blog with almost the whole day’s events, it then occurred to me that if I didn’t win the election I would have plenty of time to take up the idea of being a superhero and so spent some time searching online for how superheroes behaved and soon discovered two trends. Firstly, all superheroes seemed to have moderately high-level positions. Superman and Spiderman were reporters, which allowed them to access emergencies before the general population were aware of them and secondly they all seemed to have a sidekick. I reasoned therefore that being a councillor would enable me to fulfil the first element of being able to attend something quickly however the idea of a sidekick did leave me scratching my head slightly as it would mean telling someone that I was now super powered. I did consider the idea of the Professor but reasoned that it should be someone younger than me and at the same time someone I could trust implicitly. These were decisions that would have to wait until after the election.

   Election Day dawned and after visiting the Professor and asking his opinion on who I should consider as a sidekick he offered me a recharge and I was soon rushing around the ward visiting each and every house where an elector had said they would vote for me four times to ensure they had voted. As the sun started to set I sat on the beach near my home and smiled knowing whatever happened at the count, I had an alternative career all lined up. What I did not realise though was that my alternative career was going to start just a little sooner than I had banked on.

   The polls closed at ten o’clock and I arrived at the counting centre a few moments later and joined the rest of my party colleagues busy trying to figure out what the exit poll published at the close of polls was saying. I suggested that based on past exit polls, it suggested a net gain of one councillor which they said seemed a reasonable assessment but they disagreed which of the wards would produce the net gain. As the ballot boxes started to arrive from the various polling stations I was most disappointed that they would not be counted until they all got there and after half an hour of waiting simply had to go to the toilet. I got back and was about to enter the counting section when I heard a scream. I peered in through the door and saw three people armed with guns holding the entire hall hostage. I ducked underneath the window and calmly made my way outside without saying a word and once out of sight ran like the wind to the Professor and explained what was happening at the count. He agreed that this seemed like a suitable occasion for my superhero persona to make his debut and after giving me a costume that resembled any number of superheroes gave me another recharge for good measure and wished me luck. I ran back to the count centre and screeched to a halt outside realising that part of the effect of a good superhero is a good entrance, so I jumped and aimed for the centre of the hall as I came crashing down in the middle of the count hall. Once the dust cleared, I stood heroically and improvised by saying “Who dares deny the electors of this county their right to a fair election? For they have incurred the wrath of Captain Democracy!”

   Well, that certainly seemed to grab the gunmen’s attention and they levelled the guns at me. Inside my stomach was doing flips but I hoped that my bravado would pay off as the lead gunman stepped forward and declared that they were members of an international terror organisation that ruled all elections as illegal as they were being used to deny the true rights of people to vote against policies that were not being discussed and with that shot me right in the chest. Now, I will be the first to admit that I honestly did not expect that and due to the closeness of the shot I stepped backwards and tripped over a ballot box which prompted the leader to declare that they were victorious and with that marched towards the returning officer and said “You’re next!”.

   “Not so fast!” I said, picking up an empty ballot box and jumping shoved it on top of the leader’s head and starting thumping on the top of it. The two followers pounced on me but I was able to resist them and deciding that this had gone on long enough threw them all into the air and in a show of anger that was quite unlike me punched them all to the far end of the hall where they hit the wall and collapsed in a pile where the policemen who had been guarding the ballot boxes arrested them. I went to the returning officer to see if she was all right and helped her to her feet. She thanked me and I replied with that old superhero cliché, “Thank you ma’am, but it’s all in a day’s work for Captain Democracy!” before leaping out of the hole I had made and landing behind the count centre. Quickly rushing back to the Professor’s where I changed back into my ordinary clothes, I rushed back all in the space of sixty seconds and casually entered the count centre and gasped at the sight of the three men being led out by the policemen and the hole in the roof of the count centre. I turned to the leader of our local party and asked what had happened. He showed me a video recording he had made on his cell phone and said “That’s what happened!” and as I watched I smiled slightly and said “Well, good on him then!”

   Due to the mess I had made, the count had to be suspended and moved to another location, but once moved it continued apace and whilst monitoring my ward and getting results from other councils across the country via Twitter I noted that Captain Democracy was trending. I clicked on the hashtag #CptDemocracy and realised that my actions had gone viral and had been retweeted hundreds of thousands of times and that the video of my escapade was not only the most viewed item on YouTube in the whole of the UK, but that it was also being used on the BBC’s local election results programme. I was so taken by all this attention that I quite missed my own ward starting to count and was only brought back to reality by my Welsh Nationalist opponent pointing out that the ward has started to count.

   “I, being the acting returning officer for the county of Cardigan hereby declare that the number of votes cast in the Estuary of Aeron ward in the local elections held this day were as follows: Llwyn, Estyn, Welsh Nationalist, 151 votes, Thompson, William, Independent, 117 votes, Watts, Stanley (commonly known as Sparky), Liberal Democrat, 544 votes. I therefore declare that the under mentioned person Watts, Stanley (commonly known as Sparky) has been duly elected as the member for the Estuary of Aeron ward”

   I gently shook the hand of my opponents and approached the microphone with my Liberal Democrat friends cheering wildly as I had gained the ward from the Welsh Nationalists and started my acceptance speech.

   “Madam Returning Officer” I started, “it is traditional that the winner of any election leads a vote of thanks and I for one am not willing to break that tradition. I would therefore like to thank not only yourself but also the poll clerks, presiding officers and counters who have enabled this election to be carried out in its usual smooth and efficient manner. I would also like to thank the police for their work and wish to let it be known that I (and I dare say all the other candidates here) appreciate their efforts”. As I paused there was an almighty round of applause. “I have to say that I am at this moment in time just a little on the shocked side, when some of the other results came through this evening I was wondering how much I was going to lose by, and so am genuinely stunned. Finally, there are two more people I should thank. First of all, the former member for this ward Cllr. Williams who has served his ward for the best part of 15 years and who I hope will now enjoy a long and welcome retirement from local politics and secondly, Captain Democracy who I am sure will look at this result as well as the other results coming in across the country this evening and smile, knowing that the British democracy is being performed in it’s usual manner!”

   I was then asked to sign the formal declaration, which would confirm my position as the new councillor and after being interviewed by the local newspaper told my friends that I was feeling rather tired after a long day and went home. I got back just in time to watch the end of the local election results programme on the BBC and the presenter concluded the coverage saying “There was of course another winner in these local elections this evening and that was Captain Democracy who prevented a mass slaughter at the Cardiganshire count this evening. Whether you may be, Captain, the British people thank you!”

   I stood to attention in front of the television and saluted before smiling to myself and went to bed and settled down to sleep before planning my new career as both a local councillor and a superhero.

Offline Welsh Comic Fan

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Re: FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2010, 02:04:26 PM »
Part 3

As the sun streamed through my window the following day, I yawned and wondered what time it was. I rolled other to where I expected to see my alarm clock and was rather perturbed when all I saw was more bed and the table with my alarm clock on it at least a mile away. I then reasoned that I had not put my glasses on and so put my hand out to reach out for my glasses and clearly missed as my hand landed on more bed. Pulling the bedclothes from me, I instantly realised that something was wrong as a very large face peered at me and meowed with the force of a hurricane and at a volume that could be literally described as deafening.

My pet cat looked at me with an expression that I could only describe as annoyance. I had clearly overslept and as a result had missed her breakfast, however that at the moment was the least of my problems as it dawned on me that the world had not grown, but that I had shrunk and I knew there was only one person who would be in a position to answer the question why, and that was the Professor. However, that posed another question. How to contact him?

My pet meowed again and shook me from my thoughts. She looked at me closely and I meowed as best I could to ensure that she did not mistake me for breakfast. As soon as I did, she started to purr and then promptly sat down. Deciding that I needed to make contact with the Professor as soon as possible, I scrambled out of the bed (slightly relieved that my pyjamas had also shrunk) and started climbing what could only be described as a Mount Everest of pussycat. As I passed her ears, I shouted as loudly as I could “Breakfast Time”. She jumped up, throwing me onto her back, jumped off the bed and charged downstairs with such speed that I held on for dear life, before coming to a halt in the kitchen and yowling! I slid down her back and remembering that I had put a bowl of cat food in the fridge the previous day (in case I did oversleep) used as much strength as I had to open the fridge door. As soon as I did, the cat smelt the food and dived straight in, leaving me to figure out why I had shrunk and how to reverse the process.

It took me the best part of half an hour to get to the front door as I wanted to see what post had arrived and was overjoyed to see a postcard (admittedly the size of a large town) from the Professor giving me his telephone number and e-mail address. I committed the number to memory and another hour later reached the telephone. I smiled as I saw it and thanked my stars that we had changed it to a cordless phone. I knocked it off it’s cradle and negotiating my way around it, dialled the number and set the phone ringing. A few seconds later it was answered.

“Ah” the Professor said, “I see that you got my postcard then. Enjoying being a superhero and councillor?” he asked

Taking a deep breath, I shouted at the top of my voice. “PROFESSOR, I’M THE SIZE OF A COIN!”

The Professor instantly hung up and within fifteen minutes there was a crashing of a window frame and the Professor climbed in through the living room window.

“Stanley?” he shouted, “where are you?”

Realising that I was liable to be trodden on, I stayed close to the phone and set it to ring. The Professor followed the sound and looked down and gasped. He scooped his hands together and brought me to his face.

“SO!” I shouted, “ANY EXPLAINATIONS?”

The Professor put me in his pocket and going out through the front door, got into his car and drove back to his house where he placed me under a microscope and placed a small loudspeaker next to me.

“Explain what happened” he asked and I related what had happened during the morning. After a while I could see that he was concerned and then suddenly he realised. He took the dish I was standing on and moved me outside telling me to stand still, then a few moments later, he returned with the machine and switched it on. As soon as he did I could feel myself growing and the Professor explained what had happened.

“I was afraid this would happen” he said, as I passed his ankle, “I was reading up on my great uncle’s notes and he said that Sparky had to be dosed with cosmic rays on a fairly regular basis. The first time he forgot and his dose ran out, he shrank until he was as small as a pinhead. You had a very lucky escape, my son, if your cat hadn’t had woken you up when it did you might have shrunk to nothingness”

Now past his waist, I thanked the Professor for his remedy and asked him if this meant that I was, in effect, addicted to cosmic rays and would need to have them for the rest of my life. The Professor stated that I was correct but that addicted was not the correct term. He said that I was dependent on them, but not exclusively to other things such as food and drink. “Consider it like taking a multivitamin supplement!” he said as I returned to my full height.

That evening, back at home, having finished repairing the window that the Professor broke, I decided to get back to the business of being a superhero councillor. The Professor had given me a small version of his machine that would dose me with eight hours worth of rays (enough to ensure that I didn’t shrink during the night) and promised that the next day he would come round to discuss my choice of sidekick and give me my daily recharge.

I knew that I couldn’t chose just anyone to be my sidekick and that whoever I chose would have to be someone I could trust implicitly. Going through my list of internet associates, all of whom had posted congratulation messages on my Facebook page and sent e-cards as well, I whittled the choice down to three people, printed off their credentials and spent the rest of the evening going through them with a fine tooth comb whilst listening to the analysis of the local elections on the television.

First up was Steve from Washington State in America. A retired pastor from a Lutheran church in Seattle, he was a keen gym enthusiast and had won several amateur bodybuilding titles since 2002 which ticked the high levels of fitness box, however he had e-mailed me a few days prior stating that he was going into hospital to have an infection with his ear looked at that might be cancerous. Realising that if it was, he would have to undergo a long treatment that would not enable him to keep his fitness levels high enough, I had to reject him with a heavy heart as we often talked about him being a superhero and he’d even sent me videos of him posing to the Superman theme.

Next up was Larry from Suffolk in England. A scoutmaster with the local troop, he was also an amateur bodybuilder and had also won a few titles as well, however he had just celebrated his 60th birthday and as such was considering retiring from the sport in order to concentrate on being a scoutmaster and I knew that it would be unkind of me to take him away from his dedication to the youth of Britain.

That just left Tom, from Pennsylvania and too all intents and purposes he seemed perfect. Aged just 25, he’d been training since age 8 thanks to his older brother and with weights since 13 and was now a very sturdy 6ft 3 and weighing close to 250lbs with the build to match. Checking some of his past feats proved that he was a perfect candidate as he’d won a collegiate power-lifting contest at State College in the state with a record 2,650lbs (600lbs deadlift, 1,300lbs squat and a state record 750lbs bench press) less than twenty-four hours before winning the junior Mr. Pennsylvania light heavyweight bodybuilding competition and just a mere week later qualified for the American Youth Olympics Freestyle Wrestling team in Singapore by winning the state championships defeating a person who had been tipped as future WWE star wrestler. I was confident that I had found my sidekick, the only problem was that he was the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. Just then I had a thought, “Perhaps I should ask him personally?” I smiled as I e-mailed him asking for his address so I could place him on a map for the upcoming Mid Term elections.
« Last Edit: June 18, 2010, 02:07:58 PM by Welsh Comic Fan »

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Re: FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2010, 04:18:16 PM »
Part 4

The Professor looked at my choice of sidekick as he charged me up with the maximum allowable dose, then turned to me.

“Well, he seems a good choice” he said, “but you do realise that as soon as you tell him who you are, you will put him, his family and perhaps even his home town at risk!”

“I understand completely” I replied, and explained that Tom had an older brother and a younger cousin both of whom were capable of lifting the others combined. “If three people weighing over 600lbs, and capable of lifting something like 800lbs between them can’t cope with that, then who can?”

The professor laughed as the machine pinged.

“May I ask why you’ve given me the maximum allowable dose?” I enquired, “you’re not going to drop a ten tonne weight from the International Space Station are you?”

The Professor took a walkie-talkie out of his pocket and pressed the talk button. “This is Ground Control to Space Station One, Operation Money Drop is not go, repeat not go, over!” and then he looked at me and burst out laughing. “No” he smiled, “but I thought that you might like to get to the United States quicker than by aeroplane!”

The Professor led me outside and asked me to start running on the spot. I was soon running so fast that my feet were blurs. He then asked me to stop running and start flapping my arms. I did and was amazed to discover that I was hovering above him. The Professor explained that due to the cosmic rays, I was moving my arms so fast that they acted like wings and that I was in effect, a human aeroplane. Slowing my arms down I landed with a bump and toppled over to sit down with a thump.

“All you need is a good run up” said the Professor, “jump and start moving your arms and you could get to America in a little under three hours!”

“In that case” I said, gesturing him to open his garden gate, “see you this evening!” as I started to run and was soon at top speed. At the edge of the cliffs, some three miles from the Professor’s garden, I jumped and started moving my arms as fast as I could and was soon heading towards America.


“Good morning, Tom” I said, “how does it feel to be called from the newest iPhone?”

Tom laughed and said that the signal seemed very impressive indeed, but that he had one criticism and that was the fact that there was a lot of background noise.

   “Well, you know how it is” I replied, “I do live next to a main road and being outside is the only place to get a reasonable signal!”

   Tom laughed again and as he did so I thought to myself “Of course, if I told you the reason was that I was flying towards you at just over Mach 3, you’d probably go into hysterics!” and smiled to myself as I started to see the American eastern seaboard come into view.

   “So to what do I owe this pleasure?” asked Tom

   “Well, first of all I just wanted to thank you for your kind message online about my election win” I started, to which Tom interrupted saying that he was pleased to see that I had won and hoped that I would put some common sense policies on the table. “Such as more baseball lessons, perhaps?” I said, as I flew over New York City.

   “Not a bad idea that!” he replied.

   “The second reason” I continued as I started to slow down and head towards southern Pennsylvania, “is that I would like to ask your opinion about something that I think might pique your interest and give you a chance to put all that strength you keep on bragging about to some practical use!”

   “You mean besides giving my cousin a lesson in how to pin someone and outbenching my older brother!” he said, and laughed as I landed on the ground outside his house with a small thump.

   “Indeed, I do” I said as I walked up his lane, “namely how would you feel about helping your local community?”

   “I do that already” Tom replied as I came to his door, “what else could I do?”

   “I’ll explain in a minute!” I replied, “it’s just I’ve another call coming through. Speak to you in a moment or so, okay?” and I hung up and pressed Tom’s doorbell. The door opened and Tom stood there stunned into silence.

   “It was a wrong number!” I explained, smiling, “now, how about that idea I had!”

   Tom looked at me incredously as I explained about the Professor and his machine.

   “I know” I said, “if it had not happened to me, I wouldn’t believe me either. But I am telling the truth, at this present moment in time I am at least twice as strong as the World’s Strongest Man, about a quarter faster than Usain Bolt and I dare say would be able to hit one of your best pitches clear into Hawaii!”

   Tom got up and without saying a word left the room. I wondered what he was up to and got my answer a few moments later when he re entered in his training shorts and gestured for me to follow him. I did so and found myself in his gym.

   “That” he said, pointing to a bar, “is set up to challenge my personal best deadlift of 800lbs!” He went to the bar, squatted a few times and then put his hands on it. He grunted and performed a perfect deadlift, but instead of putting the weight down he held it and grunted, “If you’re strong, lift me up as well!”

   I went behind him, grabbed his waist and lifted. Tom was so shocked, that he dropped the weight. I caught it with my ankle and gingerly placed it on the floor whilst lowering Tom. He staggered back and did not believe what he was seeing. Deciding that he needed some more help understanding I picked up the bar with my foot, bounced it like a ball into the air, caught it with one hand and started performing curls with it.

   “You’re curling a 800lb bar” said Tom, gasping, “as if it was only 8lbs. You must be Captain Democracy then!”

   “And we have a winner!” I smiled as I lowered the bar to the floor, “and that is why I would like you to be my sidekick. To date, you are only the second person to know my secret identity and that is why I have to ask the formal question!”

   I shuffled into a mock martial pose and looked Tom in the eye, “Do you, Thomas Larry Johns, hereby agree to be my sidekick and never divulge my secret identity?”

   Tom stood to attention and saluted, “Aye, Aye, Captain!” he said.

   That evening, I reported that Tom had agreed to be my sidekick and that we had swapped mobile numbers and would meet up the following week after my first council meeting to discuss the formal operation of the partnership. As I left, the Professor pushed a small box into my hand “for use in emergencies”. I thanked him but said that the only emergency I was likely to face in the short term was remembering all of the other councillors names.

   However, although I did not know it at the time, someone was planning such an emergency

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Re: FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2010, 05:16:23 AM »
Part 5

“I call upon the member for the Estuary of the Aeron to formally move the motion!”

   As the council chairman called on me to stand, my fellow councillors all applauded and I had to gesture to them to stop as it was all quite embarrassing.

   “Mr. Chairman” I started, “fellow members of the council, I would like to first of all thank you for the warm welcome that you have given me. I have to admit that being the baby of the council is being a little difficult to get my head around and I apolgise in advance if I cannot remember all of the honourable and right honourable members names first time around”

   “Perhaps you need Captain Democracy!” joked a member of the opposition parties causing the council chamber to fill with laughter

   “I am thankful to the honourable member for mentioning the good Captain” I smiled, “as he is one of the people I would like to thank. As members will know, I was rather caught short when he made his appearance at the count last month, but am grateful to him for his efforts. The second person I would like to reference is of course the former member for my ward who I note is in the public gallery this morning. I hope that the rest of the council will join me in wishing him a happy retirement from local government and suggest that if he gets bored, the National Assembly could not have a better representative for this area in it’s ranks!”

   I then moved the main motion in my name calling for more investment in the roads of the county and concluded by saying, “As members will know, this county has a lot to thank Captain Democracy for, and therefore I hope that members will agree to the motion in my name and perhaps see fit to either inviting the good Captain to open the roads or indeed naming one of them after him. I beg to move, Mr. Chairman”

   As I sat down, the leader of my group patted me on the back and said “Worthy of the good Captain himself, eh?” I blushed slightly and replied that I was just doing the best for my ward.

   “The ayes to the right, 62, the noes to the left, 0, so the Ayes have it, the Ayes have it and I therefore audjorn this meeting!”

   As we filed out of the council chamber with people shaking my hand and congratulating me on my first council speech, someone came up and asked for my autograph. I looked at them with a slight expression of surprise but they explained that they were so inspired by Captain Democracy that they wanted to create an autograph album of all the councillors in Britain to auction off to raise funds for the Captain to donate to a charity of his choice.

   “A worthy cause indeed!” I smiled and was given a pen, which I clicked to sign my autograph. That action was the last thing I remembered.

***

   “Oooh, my aching head!” I groaned as I woke up several hours later, “what hit me?”

   My answer came in the form of a pain that was so severe I couldn’t help but scream.

   “Ah, Councillor Watts” came a voice from somewhere, “glad to see that you’re back in the land of the living. How much longer for is a topic of debate!”

   Shaking myself awake, I was shocked to find myself strapped to a metal frame with my hands above my head and restrained by handcuffs.

   “I am a member of a local council!” I shouted, “you are committing a criminal offence!”

   I was hit again by another blast of pain, this time twice as powerful as the last one which when it finished caused me to pant.

   “And you are withholding information on the whereabouts of Captain Democracy!” replied the voice and explained that I was trussed up like a chicken in a basket with the sole intention of divulging the location of Captain Democracy

   “But I wasn’t in the same room as…” I started before being hit again with a blast of pain, which was again twice as strong as the last blast.

   “Councillor Watts” said the voice, “I do wish you would stop telling falsehoods. Surely being shocked by 400 volts of direct current should have taught you that. Or do I have to switch to alternating current instead to get the truth out of you?”

   “I was in the toilet…” I shouted, and was hit again.

   “Well” said the voice, “if that’s the way you want it, then you can have it!”

   There was an ominous pause and then the voice came back.

   “Councillor” it started, “I feel duty bound to tell you that I have now switched to an alternating current and if you do not tell me the truth when I next ask you about Captain Democracy, I will apply a 1,000 volt charge through you!”

   “But…but…but” I spluttered, “that would be fatal. You’d kill a councillor just to get at a person who defends democracy?”

   “Yes, I would, Councillor, and shall I tell you why? Because I should be in charge of the world, not elected politicians. They have to listen to their electorate and employ policies that don’t upset them for fear of not getting elected. Look at the Chinese, for instance, they have the best system around. You only get to vote for one party!”

   “Oh, stuff a ballot box will you!” I thought to myself and then suddenly remembered the box that the Professor had given me. Trussed up as I was I couldn’t reach into my pocket. “Damn” I thought, “what a shame I can’t think it on”. I still don’t know what made me think of that, but the thought of being killed simply for keeping my secret identity a secret was not a prospect I was looking forward to, so closed my eyes and concentrated on the box in my pocket whilst trying to drown out the ranting of the voice.

   “And that’s why, Councillor, I want to know where Captain Democracy is, so I can kill him and prove that democracies have no place in the world, which is why I ask you again, where is Captain Democracy?” the voice concluded. I ignored him as I could begin to see the box in my mind.

   “As you seem so determined to die, I shall grant you a last request” said the voice, “I will set a thirty second timer and start it when I say, giving you a last chance to tell me what I want to know. If you don’t, then you will cause a by-election in your ward. You have thirty seconds from now!”

   “Hurry up!” I thought as I saw a box in my mind but couldn’t see the switch. Gritting my teeth and concentrating harder than I had ever done so before, I began to see the formation of a switch on the side of the box. “Come on” I thought as an alarm sounded.

   “Goodbye, Councillor” said the voice as a shearing pain shot through me just as I completed the switch. “SWITCH ON!” I yelled in my mind and sure enough the switch moved. As it did the pain vanished and I was able to focus on what was happening. I decided to keep my eyes closed to fool the voice into thinking I was dead and sure enough a few moments later, I felt myself being picked up and carried somewhere. As I did, I heard a familiar voice.

   “No!” it shouted, “you’ve killed my best friend. You fiends!”

   It was Tom and although I wanted to reassure him that I was still alive, I knew that his relief would have to wait a bit longer as I wanted to know where I was. I was unceremoniously dumped and waited until the footsteps had gone. Jumping up to my feet, I texted the professor explaining what had happened and that I needed my Captain Democracy outfit pronto. I was amazed when he replied a few seconds later saying “Look at your feet” and a few seconds after that a glow emerged which dissipated to reveal my outfit. “Transporter Beam LOL” he texted.

   It took me only a few moments to get changed and decided to first of all free Tom. As I started to move my phone wobbled. I answered it and saw another text from the Professor. “Nearly forgot your sidekick!” and a few seconds later another pile of clothes appeared at my feet. I smiled and gingerly made my way towards where Tom was imprisoned. Deciding to take the direct approach, I punched the guard with such an uppercut that he slid past Tom’s cell and crashed into the other side. I sauntered up to Tom, put my finger to my mouth and passed Tom the clothes and then sauntered past and waited a few moments. A thumbs up popped through the cell and as I walked back I chuckled to myself then attacked the cell bars by prising them open enough to enable Tom to step through.

   Just then another guard appeared on the scene and saw us. He hit a nearby button and an alarm started to wail. I was about to attack the guard when Tom held me back. He smiled at me and then launched at the guard with such a flying kick that the guard was forced into the cell that I had vacated Tom from just moments ago. I looked at him with amazement as I closed the cell bars and then patted him on the shoulder.

   “Well done” I said, and then realised I didn’t know what to call him.

   “Ballot Boy to the rescue!” he announced and ran off in the direction of the alarm. Laughing, I quickly followed.

   Despite not being the superpowered person, I was amazed at the progress Tom was making. He was demolishing guards, doors and the occasional barricade with reckless abandon. In fact it was only the steel door that guarded the central control room that halted his progress but not before he’d given it a good kick and been sorely disappointed that it hadn’t caved in.

   “Allow me!” I said and charged at the door in the style of a English solider at Agincourt causing the door to implode inwards. “And that’s how you open a door!” I said, as Tom wandered in and looked around in wonder.

   “HOLY STUFFED BALLOT BOXES, CAPTAIN!” he exclaimed

   I looked at Tom and scratched my head. “I’m sorry?” I asked, “have you started channelling Robin?”

   Tom pointed downwards and repeated his statement. “Wholly stuffed ballot boxes, Captain!”

   I looked down and gasped. Beneath us were hundreds upon thousands of conveyor belts each containing plastic ballot boxes that were being filled with millions of ballot papers each one bearing the name “Authority, Master”.

   “Master Authority?” I asked to no one in particular, “who in the name of Parliament is he?”

   “That would be me!” said a voice behind us. We both span round and Tom adopted a martial artist pose whilst I examined the person closely. Tom then leapt at the figure.

   “No, Ballot Boy!” I shouted, but it was too late as Tom sailed through the figure and landed the other side of him in a heap.

   “Very astute of you, Captain Democracy!” said Master Authority, “but how did you know this was a holographic projection?”

   “Elementary, my dear sir!” I said, adopting my Sherlock Holmes accent, “firstly, as the mastermind behind this plan I reasoned that as soon as we started to make our move you would not want to be in the same place and secondly, you are hovering three inches off the ground” and waved my hand underneath his feet to prove my point

   “Bravo, indeed, Captain!” he said, clapping his hands, “I am so glad that I decided to make you my archenemy. It’s nice to see a superhero with a bit of class for a change. What a shame that you seem to associate with the muscles over there!” and pointed to Tom who was staggering to his feet.

   “Ballot Boy is the best sidekick in the world!” I said, as I went over to help him up, “and anyone who dares suggest otherwise will hear about it from me. Now, about these ballot boxes, rather a strange way for someone to take over the world!”

   “Ah” said Master Authority, “don’t you just love irony! In every election from today onwards, I will be beaming out a hypnotic command for people to vote for myself and my candidates who are all puppets. Once they are elected, they will act on their first command, which is to stand down and announce me as their replacement. Once I control half the seats in every elected chamber in the world, I shall declare myself as global overlord!” and started to laugh

   “You fiend!” said Tom and readied himself to pounce again, but I held him back. “Ironic, indeed” I said as I walked around the floating projection, “and yet, I can’t help wonder if you have forgotten one very basic element of elections!”

   Master Authority stopped laughing and looked at me.

   “Now, if there is one thing about being a superhero” I explained, still walking around him, “is that it’s all very well to have, as you put it “the muscles”, but sometimes a bit of brainpower doesn’t hinder the old superhero operation. Now, forgive me if I am wrong, but presumably to have a collection of puppets you must have a central control and from what I know about, and I apolgise for using the term, megalomaniacs, they always have their central control in the same place”. I stopped walking and pointed to a big red button, “and that if there is one thing all megalomaniacs like to do, it’s listen to the sound of their own voice. Am I correct so far?”

   “My dear Captain!” he said, with a smile, “It is as if I am an open book in your eyes. I can see us getting along like a house on fire!”

   “Well, thank you” I said, bowing, “However, it does mean that I am able to disarm this whole operation with just one word!”

   Master Authority looked at me incredulously. “You!” he said, “shut all this down with a single word! I’d like to see you try!”

   “And I shall!” I said, as I turned to the button and typed “Authoritianism!”

   “Password Accepted” noted the computer, “Central Base Self Destruction Initated. Complete Destruction in 60 seconds and counting!”

   Master Authority stared at me in disbelief. “But, how?”

   “You said it yourself!” I replied, “don’t you just love irony. You used your name as the password!”

   “Blast you, Captain Democracy!” he said, “Mark my word, I shall return!” and with that he disappeared. As he did, the computer exploded next to me. Looking around to see if there was no one else I turned to Tom. “Jump on” I shouted, “this is going to be close!”

   Tom jumped on and I started running on the spot. As a voice announced “Destruction in 30 seconds” I said to Tom, “Hold on tight and away we go!” as I started to run with explosions going off around me. As the voice started counting down from 10, I took a sudden right turn and jumped through the building into the outside and found myself several hundred metres in the air and falling. I switched from running to flapping and was able to fly away from the exploding base which registered as a 2.1 magnitude earthquake.

   Landing on the nearest piece of land to the base, I allowed Tom to jump off and catch his breath and then we looked at each other and laughed our heads off. “Well” I said, a few moments later, “looks like I chose the right sidekick eh?”

   Tom nodded and recovering said “And I chose the right superhero!”

Offline Welsh Comic Fan

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Re: FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« Reply #6 on: July 05, 2010, 03:22:25 PM »
Part 6

   It had been a hectic few weeks since the election but now at the end of June, things were starting to calm down a little. I’d been appointed chair of the council’s “Youth Intregration” committee (whose main brief was to reduce the average age of the council from 50 to 40 by the next elections in four years time), as well as deputy chair of the tourism committee. I was also holding surgeries in my ward every Saturday and Sunday in the local villages and although a superhero it turned out that protecting democracy was, by superhero standards, not that urgent a requirement, but it did allow me the chance to test my strength every so often as I would go down to the beach near my house and lift various boulders to see how strong I was.

   That was until the morning of July 1st, when after a lie in, I woke up, got dressed and switched on the television to listen to the morning bulletin. The weather forecast was just finishing and as they counted down to the top of hour, I made myself an orange drink and was drinking it as the headlines started.

   “But first some breaking news from Iceland” said the newscaster, “Retuers is reporting that the Icelandic president has declared a state of emergency…”

   I paused the broadcast and mouthed along saying “because that volcano that we newscasters hate to pronounce has started erupting again!” and laughed as I resumed the feed and continued drinking on my orange

   “due to a terrorist organisation claiming it intends to blow up the Icelandic parliament at 1130 local time!” continued the newsreader

   Choking on my drink, I spluttered “WHAT?” and rewound the video to ensure that I was hearing what I thought I was hearing. They then switched to a live press conference from the Icelandic capital where the President made a statement, which was helpfully translated

   “We wish to confirm” said the translator, “that at 0800 this morning, the president of Iceland received a telephone warning that a thermo nuclear device had been planted underneath the Althing and was set to detonate at 1130 local time. We therefore seek the assistance of Captain Democracy in order to protect the oldest Parliament in the world!”

   “And he’ll come as well!” I replied, as I dashed out of the house and ran as fast as I could to the Professor’s house. I arrived in a complete state and pushed the doorbell. He answered and when asked what the matter was, I panted “Iceland…Parliament…Nuclear…Bomb…1130…machine!” The Professor rushed indoors and was soon recharging me. Thanks to it’s influence my pulse fell and I was able to talk in whole sentences again and explained what I had heard. The professor looked at his watch, which was showing half past eleven.

   “You’ll never get there in time!” he said, “even with a full recharge!”

   “Iceland is an hour behind!” I explained, “I’ll have time to get to Iceland, find out what’s happening and perhaps be back in time for lunch”. Just then the machine pinged, to announce that I had been recharged to the maximum level and the Professor opened the back door and gestured me to take advantage of the situation. I smilled and charged in so that to anyone looking on, it looked like Councillor Watts entered the building and was still inside as Captain Democracy exited the house at the other end before taking off to Iceland.

   Half an hour later, I arrived in the Icelandic capital (covered by all the mass media in the country) and apolgising for my lack of Icelandic to a nearby reporter was escorted to the president who thankfully still had his interpreter nearby. He handed me the message he had been given and it was clear why he had asked for me.

   “I have planted a thermo nuclear device” read the message, “under the foundations of the Althing and will detontate it at 1130 unless Captain Democracy agrees to meet me at the summit of the Snaefells volcano by 1130!”

   I thanked the president for the information and running out the palace, leapt into the air and headed towards the volcano, which was quite an interesting quirk of fate I thought as I landed on the summit. Having been interested in the works of Jules Verne, I wondered if I should spend some time trying to find the famed entrance to the centre of the Earth which would be shown by the mountain of Scartaris, but decided that the parliament was the bigger issue and so shouted “Show yourself you villain, and spare the Althing!”

   “Hello?” said a voice, “is someone there?”

   I looked around carefully and noticed a chain around a jutting outcrop of rock. I followed it around and gasped as I saw someone chained up to the rock dressed in what looked like a business suit. I grabbed the chain and tore it apart and helped the person to his feet.

   “Oh, thank you!” he said and introduced himself as Professor Keith Spencer of the University of Utah and that he’d happened upon the person who had planted the bomb at the Althing and was kidnapped as a hostage to prevent the local authorities doing anything.

   “The fiend!” I said, and stamped my foot causing a mini alavanche down one side of the mountain, “so where is he now then?”

   “He said that he was going to wait until 1130 and that if you didn’t show up destroy the Althing” and then the Professor stopped, “You are Captain Democracy, aren’t you?”

   I looked at my generic outfit and said “Yes, I am, although I am quite new at this and don’t have quite the outfit I would like, but I am working on it!”

   “Then what a good thing I can help then!” smiled Professor Spencer and clapped his hands.

   I was thrown backwards by what could only be described as an explosion and when I sat up, a tall, very muscular man was standing where the Professor had been standing seconds before. I instantly assumed that this was the person who had planted the bomb and launched at him determined to give him a piece of my mind. The stranger deftly picked me up and held me in a wrestling move. Despite all my struggles, I was held fast and he whispered into my ear, “Ever heard of Captain Flash?”

   I stopped struggling and was let down into the snow. I looked at him and then realised.

   “Captain Flash?” I gasped, “but, but, but, you’re a comic book superhero!”

   The Captain laughed and explained that he was a real person but that the comic books were a way of making a revenue stream, “and besides” he added, “if someone came up to you in the street and said “You’re that superhero, aren’t you!” and you said “Yes, I am” would anyone really believe you?”

   That question left me at a slight loss, but my alarm set for 1130 wobbled and I realised that the bomb was due to go off. As I started to fly off, Captain Flash laughed and spolit my concentration and I landed flat in the snow. He explained that there was no bomb, it was all a ruse by himself to see if I was good enough to join the Superhero Union and with that he pressed a button on his wrist and the world disappeared.

   A few seconds later, the world reappeared and I wobbled on my feet. I sat down with a bump and burped loudly.

   “Oh, I do apolgise!” I said, putting my hand over my mouth, “that was most uncalled for!”

   “Happens to the best of us!” smiled Captain Flash, “matter transporters do have a habit of doing that the first couple of times, but you get used to it. Welcome to the Listening Post, Captain Democracy!”

   I stood up slowly and looked out of a nearby window to see a massive space station orbiting the Earth.

   “I’m in space?” I said, hardly believing what I was seeing before being practically dragged away from the window by the Captain.

   “Indeed you are” he said, “This is the main headquarters for the Superhero Union. Every single active superhero is here. Consider it a sort of private club where superheroes get to relax every so often”

   I lost count of all the rooms we passed and poking in I saw a gym where a person not that much bigger than myself was lifting a bar with some chains attached and a readout that was at 2 million pounds, next we passed a lab where a person was pouring different coloured chemicals into tubes and we passed another room where three people were sitting in a circle looking at each other. I tapped Captain Flash on the shoulder and he peered in.

   “Ah, that our council chamber” he said, walking off, “all our councillors can read minds!”

   “Well, that’s one way to shorten debate” I thought to myself and carried on following the Captain who led me into a room that was the size of a church hall. He asked to me to stand on a small podium and went to sit by a computer nearby.

   “Right” he said, “let’s start on the application to join. I presume you do want to join?”

   “If it enables me to become a proper superhero then yes please!” I replied

   “Excellent” the Captain replied and asked me for my name.

   “Captain Democracy!” I replied and posed heroically

   “And your real name?” he asked, “don’t worry, this computer has security so tight that not even our telepaths can break into it!”

   “Councillor Stanley Watts” I replied, “Liberal Democrat member for the Estuary of the Aeron ward on Cardiganshire County Council”

   “Ah” said the Captain entering the information, “an elected representative eh? Makes quite the change from all the reporters and photographers we have here. Age?”

   “30, 31 next month!” I replied

   “Well, that makes you the youngest Captain here. I’m only 34 myself. Weight?”

   “Er, well, I…” I hummed and hawed and the Captain looked at me concerned. “It’s like this” I added, “I am a little overweight for my height and age and looking at you it’s clear that I should have abs of steel and a chest resembling two melons. I have lost some weight since I started the election so although I am at the moment 210lbs, I feel I should be at least 174lbs!”

   “That’s not a problem!” he said, entering the information, “Samson and Strongman will be able to whip you into shape. By the time they’re done with you, you’ll be benching 50,000lbs with no troubles at all. Which reminds me, height?” he asked as he pressed a button.

   “6ft 1”, and then I paused. “Er, excuse me, can you hear whistling?”

   I looked up and was shocked to see a very large and clearly heavy box come crashing down towards me. I instantly put my hands up to cushion the impact and closed my eyes expecting to be crushed. I felt the box land on my hands and grunted and realised that I was still standing. I opened my eyes to see the Captain applauding me.

   “Well done indeed!” he said, “That’s a 100,000 lb box you’re lifting. A few weeks with Samson and Strongman and we’ll have you lifting ten times that box easily. Just try not to get too many girls interested in that physique eh?” and he laughed as he finished the form. “Right then” he said, pressing another button and causing the box to fly up into the air. “If you could sign there, there, there and there please”

   I signed the document with my name and my superhero name and was given a welcome pack “as the newest member of the Superhero Union. If you have any problems or need to have a chat, just text FLASH to 78737 and the transporter guys will pick you up and plonk you wherever I am. I’m going to be your caseworker for the first year or so, until you manage to get the essentials done like finding a secret base and choosing a sidekick!”

   “Oh” I replied, “I’ve got one of those already. Ballot Boy!”

   The Captain looked at me and I could see he was having a difficult time keeping a straight face. His face crumpled and he burst out laughing. “Ballot Boy!” he roared, “Oh, you Brits crack me up every single time”.

   “Actually” I replied, “he chose the name himself and he’s American!”

   That comment caused Captain Flash to stop laughing and scratch his head. He led me back to the transporter pad and waved me off as the space station disappeared and I arrived outside my house where I noted that a letter had arrived in the post. Picking it up, I let myself in, changed out of my uniform and settled down in front of the television with a hot lunch and watched the reporting of the failed terror bid in Iceland

Offline darkmark (RIP)

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Re: FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2010, 05:32:46 PM »
Welsh:  Fanfic is all well and good...I have done a TON of it myself...but maybe the best place for it is on some venue like ff.net or elsewhere.  I'm not sure the board here is adapted to it.  Thanks.

Offline Yoc

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Re: FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2010, 07:31:36 PM »
Hi DM,
We don't discourage it on DCM but there are other venues that might also appreciate it such as you suggest.
DM is a veteran of the subject and I'm sure could point you at some sites that might also enjoy the story.

-Yoc

Offline Welsh Comic Fan

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Re: FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2010, 03:44:09 AM »
Hi DM,
We don't discourage it on DCM but there are other venues that might also appreciate it such as you suggest.
DM is a veteran of the subject and I'm sure could point you at some sites that might also enjoy the story.

-Yoc

Please do suggest away then (especially if you think there would be more interested parties)

Offline darkmark (RIP)

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Re: FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition
« Reply #10 on: July 06, 2010, 07:25:28 AM »
Try fanfiction.net for starters.