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FANFICTION - Sparky Watts : The 2010 Edition

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Welsh Comic Fan:
Part 5

“I call upon the member for the Estuary of the Aeron to formally move the motion!”

   As the council chairman called on me to stand, my fellow councillors all applauded and I had to gesture to them to stop as it was all quite embarrassing.

   “Mr. Chairman” I started, “fellow members of the council, I would like to first of all thank you for the warm welcome that you have given me. I have to admit that being the baby of the council is being a little difficult to get my head around and I apolgise in advance if I cannot remember all of the honourable and right honourable members names first time around”

   “Perhaps you need Captain Democracy!” joked a member of the opposition parties causing the council chamber to fill with laughter

   “I am thankful to the honourable member for mentioning the good Captain” I smiled, “as he is one of the people I would like to thank. As members will know, I was rather caught short when he made his appearance at the count last month, but am grateful to him for his efforts. The second person I would like to reference is of course the former member for my ward who I note is in the public gallery this morning. I hope that the rest of the council will join me in wishing him a happy retirement from local government and suggest that if he gets bored, the National Assembly could not have a better representative for this area in it’s ranks!”

   I then moved the main motion in my name calling for more investment in the roads of the county and concluded by saying, “As members will know, this county has a lot to thank Captain Democracy for, and therefore I hope that members will agree to the motion in my name and perhaps see fit to either inviting the good Captain to open the roads or indeed naming one of them after him. I beg to move, Mr. Chairman”

   As I sat down, the leader of my group patted me on the back and said “Worthy of the good Captain himself, eh?” I blushed slightly and replied that I was just doing the best for my ward.

   “The ayes to the right, 62, the noes to the left, 0, so the Ayes have it, the Ayes have it and I therefore audjorn this meeting!”

   As we filed out of the council chamber with people shaking my hand and congratulating me on my first council speech, someone came up and asked for my autograph. I looked at them with a slight expression of surprise but they explained that they were so inspired by Captain Democracy that they wanted to create an autograph album of all the councillors in Britain to auction off to raise funds for the Captain to donate to a charity of his choice.

   “A worthy cause indeed!” I smiled and was given a pen, which I clicked to sign my autograph. That action was the last thing I remembered.

***

   “Oooh, my aching head!” I groaned as I woke up several hours later, “what hit me?”

   My answer came in the form of a pain that was so severe I couldn’t help but scream.

   “Ah, Councillor Watts” came a voice from somewhere, “glad to see that you’re back in the land of the living. How much longer for is a topic of debate!”

   Shaking myself awake, I was shocked to find myself strapped to a metal frame with my hands above my head and restrained by handcuffs.

   “I am a member of a local council!” I shouted, “you are committing a criminal offence!”

   I was hit again by another blast of pain, this time twice as powerful as the last one which when it finished caused me to pant.

   “And you are withholding information on the whereabouts of Captain Democracy!” replied the voice and explained that I was trussed up like a chicken in a basket with the sole intention of divulging the location of Captain Democracy

   “But I wasn’t in the same room as…” I started before being hit again with a blast of pain, which was again twice as strong as the last blast.

   “Councillor Watts” said the voice, “I do wish you would stop telling falsehoods. Surely being shocked by 400 volts of direct current should have taught you that. Or do I have to switch to alternating current instead to get the truth out of you?”

   “I was in the toilet…” I shouted, and was hit again.

   “Well” said the voice, “if that’s the way you want it, then you can have it!”

   There was an ominous pause and then the voice came back.

   “Councillor” it started, “I feel duty bound to tell you that I have now switched to an alternating current and if you do not tell me the truth when I next ask you about Captain Democracy, I will apply a 1,000 volt charge through you!”

   “But…but…but” I spluttered, “that would be fatal. You’d kill a councillor just to get at a person who defends democracy?”

   “Yes, I would, Councillor, and shall I tell you why? Because I should be in charge of the world, not elected politicians. They have to listen to their electorate and employ policies that don’t upset them for fear of not getting elected. Look at the Chinese, for instance, they have the best system around. You only get to vote for one party!”

   “Oh, stuff a ballot box will you!” I thought to myself and then suddenly remembered the box that the Professor had given me. Trussed up as I was I couldn’t reach into my pocket. “Damn” I thought, “what a shame I can’t think it on”. I still don’t know what made me think of that, but the thought of being killed simply for keeping my secret identity a secret was not a prospect I was looking forward to, so closed my eyes and concentrated on the box in my pocket whilst trying to drown out the ranting of the voice.

   “And that’s why, Councillor, I want to know where Captain Democracy is, so I can kill him and prove that democracies have no place in the world, which is why I ask you again, where is Captain Democracy?” the voice concluded. I ignored him as I could begin to see the box in my mind.

   “As you seem so determined to die, I shall grant you a last request” said the voice, “I will set a thirty second timer and start it when I say, giving you a last chance to tell me what I want to know. If you don’t, then you will cause a by-election in your ward. You have thirty seconds from now!”

   “Hurry up!” I thought as I saw a box in my mind but couldn’t see the switch. Gritting my teeth and concentrating harder than I had ever done so before, I began to see the formation of a switch on the side of the box. “Come on” I thought as an alarm sounded.

   “Goodbye, Councillor” said the voice as a shearing pain shot through me just as I completed the switch. “SWITCH ON!” I yelled in my mind and sure enough the switch moved. As it did the pain vanished and I was able to focus on what was happening. I decided to keep my eyes closed to fool the voice into thinking I was dead and sure enough a few moments later, I felt myself being picked up and carried somewhere. As I did, I heard a familiar voice.

   “No!” it shouted, “you’ve killed my best friend. You fiends!”

   It was Tom and although I wanted to reassure him that I was still alive, I knew that his relief would have to wait a bit longer as I wanted to know where I was. I was unceremoniously dumped and waited until the footsteps had gone. Jumping up to my feet, I texted the professor explaining what had happened and that I needed my Captain Democracy outfit pronto. I was amazed when he replied a few seconds later saying “Look at your feet” and a few seconds after that a glow emerged which dissipated to reveal my outfit. “Transporter Beam LOL” he texted.

   It took me only a few moments to get changed and decided to first of all free Tom. As I started to move my phone wobbled. I answered it and saw another text from the Professor. “Nearly forgot your sidekick!” and a few seconds later another pile of clothes appeared at my feet. I smiled and gingerly made my way towards where Tom was imprisoned. Deciding to take the direct approach, I punched the guard with such an uppercut that he slid past Tom’s cell and crashed into the other side. I sauntered up to Tom, put my finger to my mouth and passed Tom the clothes and then sauntered past and waited a few moments. A thumbs up popped through the cell and as I walked back I chuckled to myself then attacked the cell bars by prising them open enough to enable Tom to step through.

   Just then another guard appeared on the scene and saw us. He hit a nearby button and an alarm started to wail. I was about to attack the guard when Tom held me back. He smiled at me and then launched at the guard with such a flying kick that the guard was forced into the cell that I had vacated Tom from just moments ago. I looked at him with amazement as I closed the cell bars and then patted him on the shoulder.

   “Well done” I said, and then realised I didn’t know what to call him.

   “Ballot Boy to the rescue!” he announced and ran off in the direction of the alarm. Laughing, I quickly followed.

   Despite not being the superpowered person, I was amazed at the progress Tom was making. He was demolishing guards, doors and the occasional barricade with reckless abandon. In fact it was only the steel door that guarded the central control room that halted his progress but not before he’d given it a good kick and been sorely disappointed that it hadn’t caved in.

   “Allow me!” I said and charged at the door in the style of a English solider at Agincourt causing the door to implode inwards. “And that’s how you open a door!” I said, as Tom wandered in and looked around in wonder.

   “HOLY STUFFED BALLOT BOXES, CAPTAIN!” he exclaimed

   I looked at Tom and scratched my head. “I’m sorry?” I asked, “have you started channelling Robin?”

   Tom pointed downwards and repeated his statement. “Wholly stuffed ballot boxes, Captain!”

   I looked down and gasped. Beneath us were hundreds upon thousands of conveyor belts each containing plastic ballot boxes that were being filled with millions of ballot papers each one bearing the name “Authority, Master”.

   “Master Authority?” I asked to no one in particular, “who in the name of Parliament is he?”

   “That would be me!” said a voice behind us. We both span round and Tom adopted a martial artist pose whilst I examined the person closely. Tom then leapt at the figure.

   “No, Ballot Boy!” I shouted, but it was too late as Tom sailed through the figure and landed the other side of him in a heap.

   “Very astute of you, Captain Democracy!” said Master Authority, “but how did you know this was a holographic projection?”

   “Elementary, my dear sir!” I said, adopting my Sherlock Holmes accent, “firstly, as the mastermind behind this plan I reasoned that as soon as we started to make our move you would not want to be in the same place and secondly, you are hovering three inches off the ground” and waved my hand underneath his feet to prove my point

   “Bravo, indeed, Captain!” he said, clapping his hands, “I am so glad that I decided to make you my archenemy. It’s nice to see a superhero with a bit of class for a change. What a shame that you seem to associate with the muscles over there!” and pointed to Tom who was staggering to his feet.

   “Ballot Boy is the best sidekick in the world!” I said, as I went over to help him up, “and anyone who dares suggest otherwise will hear about it from me. Now, about these ballot boxes, rather a strange way for someone to take over the world!”

   “Ah” said Master Authority, “don’t you just love irony! In every election from today onwards, I will be beaming out a hypnotic command for people to vote for myself and my candidates who are all puppets. Once they are elected, they will act on their first command, which is to stand down and announce me as their replacement. Once I control half the seats in every elected chamber in the world, I shall declare myself as global overlord!” and started to laugh

   “You fiend!” said Tom and readied himself to pounce again, but I held him back. “Ironic, indeed” I said as I walked around the floating projection, “and yet, I can’t help wonder if you have forgotten one very basic element of elections!”

   Master Authority stopped laughing and looked at me.

   “Now, if there is one thing about being a superhero” I explained, still walking around him, “is that it’s all very well to have, as you put it “the muscles”, but sometimes a bit of brainpower doesn’t hinder the old superhero operation. Now, forgive me if I am wrong, but presumably to have a collection of puppets you must have a central control and from what I know about, and I apolgise for using the term, megalomaniacs, they always have their central control in the same place”. I stopped walking and pointed to a big red button, “and that if there is one thing all megalomaniacs like to do, it’s listen to the sound of their own voice. Am I correct so far?”

   “My dear Captain!” he said, with a smile, “It is as if I am an open book in your eyes. I can see us getting along like a house on fire!”

   “Well, thank you” I said, bowing, “However, it does mean that I am able to disarm this whole operation with just one word!”

   Master Authority looked at me incredulously. “You!” he said, “shut all this down with a single word! I’d like to see you try!”

   “And I shall!” I said, as I turned to the button and typed “Authoritianism!”

   “Password Accepted” noted the computer, “Central Base Self Destruction Initated. Complete Destruction in 60 seconds and counting!”

   Master Authority stared at me in disbelief. “But, how?”

   “You said it yourself!” I replied, “don’t you just love irony. You used your name as the password!”

   “Blast you, Captain Democracy!” he said, “Mark my word, I shall return!” and with that he disappeared. As he did, the computer exploded next to me. Looking around to see if there was no one else I turned to Tom. “Jump on” I shouted, “this is going to be close!”

   Tom jumped on and I started running on the spot. As a voice announced “Destruction in 30 seconds” I said to Tom, “Hold on tight and away we go!” as I started to run with explosions going off around me. As the voice started counting down from 10, I took a sudden right turn and jumped through the building into the outside and found myself several hundred metres in the air and falling. I switched from running to flapping and was able to fly away from the exploding base which registered as a 2.1 magnitude earthquake.

   Landing on the nearest piece of land to the base, I allowed Tom to jump off and catch his breath and then we looked at each other and laughed our heads off. “Well” I said, a few moments later, “looks like I chose the right sidekick eh?”

   Tom nodded and recovering said “And I chose the right superhero!”

Welsh Comic Fan:
Part 6

   It had been a hectic few weeks since the election but now at the end of June, things were starting to calm down a little. I’d been appointed chair of the council’s “Youth Intregration” committee (whose main brief was to reduce the average age of the council from 50 to 40 by the next elections in four years time), as well as deputy chair of the tourism committee. I was also holding surgeries in my ward every Saturday and Sunday in the local villages and although a superhero it turned out that protecting democracy was, by superhero standards, not that urgent a requirement, but it did allow me the chance to test my strength every so often as I would go down to the beach near my house and lift various boulders to see how strong I was.

   That was until the morning of July 1st, when after a lie in, I woke up, got dressed and switched on the television to listen to the morning bulletin. The weather forecast was just finishing and as they counted down to the top of hour, I made myself an orange drink and was drinking it as the headlines started.

   “But first some breaking news from Iceland” said the newscaster, “Retuers is reporting that the Icelandic president has declared a state of emergency…”

   I paused the broadcast and mouthed along saying “because that volcano that we newscasters hate to pronounce has started erupting again!” and laughed as I resumed the feed and continued drinking on my orange

   “due to a terrorist organisation claiming it intends to blow up the Icelandic parliament at 1130 local time!” continued the newsreader

   Choking on my drink, I spluttered “WHAT?” and rewound the video to ensure that I was hearing what I thought I was hearing. They then switched to a live press conference from the Icelandic capital where the President made a statement, which was helpfully translated

   “We wish to confirm” said the translator, “that at 0800 this morning, the president of Iceland received a telephone warning that a thermo nuclear device had been planted underneath the Althing and was set to detonate at 1130 local time. We therefore seek the assistance of Captain Democracy in order to protect the oldest Parliament in the world!”

   “And he’ll come as well!” I replied, as I dashed out of the house and ran as fast as I could to the Professor’s house. I arrived in a complete state and pushed the doorbell. He answered and when asked what the matter was, I panted “Iceland…Parliament…Nuclear…Bomb…1130…machine!” The Professor rushed indoors and was soon recharging me. Thanks to it’s influence my pulse fell and I was able to talk in whole sentences again and explained what I had heard. The professor looked at his watch, which was showing half past eleven.

   “You’ll never get there in time!” he said, “even with a full recharge!”

   “Iceland is an hour behind!” I explained, “I’ll have time to get to Iceland, find out what’s happening and perhaps be back in time for lunch”. Just then the machine pinged, to announce that I had been recharged to the maximum level and the Professor opened the back door and gestured me to take advantage of the situation. I smilled and charged in so that to anyone looking on, it looked like Councillor Watts entered the building and was still inside as Captain Democracy exited the house at the other end before taking off to Iceland.

   Half an hour later, I arrived in the Icelandic capital (covered by all the mass media in the country) and apolgising for my lack of Icelandic to a nearby reporter was escorted to the president who thankfully still had his interpreter nearby. He handed me the message he had been given and it was clear why he had asked for me.

   “I have planted a thermo nuclear device” read the message, “under the foundations of the Althing and will detontate it at 1130 unless Captain Democracy agrees to meet me at the summit of the Snaefells volcano by 1130!”

   I thanked the president for the information and running out the palace, leapt into the air and headed towards the volcano, which was quite an interesting quirk of fate I thought as I landed on the summit. Having been interested in the works of Jules Verne, I wondered if I should spend some time trying to find the famed entrance to the centre of the Earth which would be shown by the mountain of Scartaris, but decided that the parliament was the bigger issue and so shouted “Show yourself you villain, and spare the Althing!”

   “Hello?” said a voice, “is someone there?”

   I looked around carefully and noticed a chain around a jutting outcrop of rock. I followed it around and gasped as I saw someone chained up to the rock dressed in what looked like a business suit. I grabbed the chain and tore it apart and helped the person to his feet.

   “Oh, thank you!” he said and introduced himself as Professor Keith Spencer of the University of Utah and that he’d happened upon the person who had planted the bomb at the Althing and was kidnapped as a hostage to prevent the local authorities doing anything.

   “The fiend!” I said, and stamped my foot causing a mini alavanche down one side of the mountain, “so where is he now then?”

   “He said that he was going to wait until 1130 and that if you didn’t show up destroy the Althing” and then the Professor stopped, “You are Captain Democracy, aren’t you?”

   I looked at my generic outfit and said “Yes, I am, although I am quite new at this and don’t have quite the outfit I would like, but I am working on it!”

   “Then what a good thing I can help then!” smiled Professor Spencer and clapped his hands.

   I was thrown backwards by what could only be described as an explosion and when I sat up, a tall, very muscular man was standing where the Professor had been standing seconds before. I instantly assumed that this was the person who had planted the bomb and launched at him determined to give him a piece of my mind. The stranger deftly picked me up and held me in a wrestling move. Despite all my struggles, I was held fast and he whispered into my ear, “Ever heard of Captain Flash?”

   I stopped struggling and was let down into the snow. I looked at him and then realised.

   “Captain Flash?” I gasped, “but, but, but, you’re a comic book superhero!”

   The Captain laughed and explained that he was a real person but that the comic books were a way of making a revenue stream, “and besides” he added, “if someone came up to you in the street and said “You’re that superhero, aren’t you!” and you said “Yes, I am” would anyone really believe you?”

   That question left me at a slight loss, but my alarm set for 1130 wobbled and I realised that the bomb was due to go off. As I started to fly off, Captain Flash laughed and spolit my concentration and I landed flat in the snow. He explained that there was no bomb, it was all a ruse by himself to see if I was good enough to join the Superhero Union and with that he pressed a button on his wrist and the world disappeared.

   A few seconds later, the world reappeared and I wobbled on my feet. I sat down with a bump and burped loudly.

   “Oh, I do apolgise!” I said, putting my hand over my mouth, “that was most uncalled for!”

   “Happens to the best of us!” smiled Captain Flash, “matter transporters do have a habit of doing that the first couple of times, but you get used to it. Welcome to the Listening Post, Captain Democracy!”

   I stood up slowly and looked out of a nearby window to see a massive space station orbiting the Earth.

   “I’m in space?” I said, hardly believing what I was seeing before being practically dragged away from the window by the Captain.

   “Indeed you are” he said, “This is the main headquarters for the Superhero Union. Every single active superhero is here. Consider it a sort of private club where superheroes get to relax every so often”

   I lost count of all the rooms we passed and poking in I saw a gym where a person not that much bigger than myself was lifting a bar with some chains attached and a readout that was at 2 million pounds, next we passed a lab where a person was pouring different coloured chemicals into tubes and we passed another room where three people were sitting in a circle looking at each other. I tapped Captain Flash on the shoulder and he peered in.

   “Ah, that our council chamber” he said, walking off, “all our councillors can read minds!”

   “Well, that’s one way to shorten debate” I thought to myself and carried on following the Captain who led me into a room that was the size of a church hall. He asked to me to stand on a small podium and went to sit by a computer nearby.

   “Right” he said, “let’s start on the application to join. I presume you do want to join?”

   “If it enables me to become a proper superhero then yes please!” I replied

   “Excellent” the Captain replied and asked me for my name.

   “Captain Democracy!” I replied and posed heroically

   “And your real name?” he asked, “don’t worry, this computer has security so tight that not even our telepaths can break into it!”

   “Councillor Stanley Watts” I replied, “Liberal Democrat member for the Estuary of the Aeron ward on Cardiganshire County Council”

   “Ah” said the Captain entering the information, “an elected representative eh? Makes quite the change from all the reporters and photographers we have here. Age?”

   “30, 31 next month!” I replied

   “Well, that makes you the youngest Captain here. I’m only 34 myself. Weight?”

   “Er, well, I…” I hummed and hawed and the Captain looked at me concerned. “It’s like this” I added, “I am a little overweight for my height and age and looking at you it’s clear that I should have abs of steel and a chest resembling two melons. I have lost some weight since I started the election so although I am at the moment 210lbs, I feel I should be at least 174lbs!”

   “That’s not a problem!” he said, entering the information, “Samson and Strongman will be able to whip you into shape. By the time they’re done with you, you’ll be benching 50,000lbs with no troubles at all. Which reminds me, height?” he asked as he pressed a button.

   “6ft 1”, and then I paused. “Er, excuse me, can you hear whistling?”

   I looked up and was shocked to see a very large and clearly heavy box come crashing down towards me. I instantly put my hands up to cushion the impact and closed my eyes expecting to be crushed. I felt the box land on my hands and grunted and realised that I was still standing. I opened my eyes to see the Captain applauding me.

   “Well done indeed!” he said, “That’s a 100,000 lb box you’re lifting. A few weeks with Samson and Strongman and we’ll have you lifting ten times that box easily. Just try not to get too many girls interested in that physique eh?” and he laughed as he finished the form. “Right then” he said, pressing another button and causing the box to fly up into the air. “If you could sign there, there, there and there please”

   I signed the document with my name and my superhero name and was given a welcome pack “as the newest member of the Superhero Union. If you have any problems or need to have a chat, just text FLASH to 78737 and the transporter guys will pick you up and plonk you wherever I am. I’m going to be your caseworker for the first year or so, until you manage to get the essentials done like finding a secret base and choosing a sidekick!”

   “Oh” I replied, “I’ve got one of those already. Ballot Boy!”

   The Captain looked at me and I could see he was having a difficult time keeping a straight face. His face crumpled and he burst out laughing. “Ballot Boy!” he roared, “Oh, you Brits crack me up every single time”.

   “Actually” I replied, “he chose the name himself and he’s American!”

   That comment caused Captain Flash to stop laughing and scratch his head. He led me back to the transporter pad and waved me off as the space station disappeared and I arrived outside my house where I noted that a letter had arrived in the post. Picking it up, I let myself in, changed out of my uniform and settled down in front of the television with a hot lunch and watched the reporting of the failed terror bid in Iceland

darkmark (RIP):
Welsh:  Fanfic is all well and good...I have done a TON of it myself...but maybe the best place for it is on some venue like ff.net or elsewhere.  I'm not sure the board here is adapted to it.  Thanks.

Yoc:
Hi DM,
We don't discourage it on DCM but there are other venues that might also appreciate it such as you suggest.
DM is a veteran of the subject and I'm sure could point you at some sites that might also enjoy the story.

-Yoc

Welsh Comic Fan:

--- Quote from: Yoc on July 05, 2010, 07:31:36 PM ---Hi DM,
We don't discourage it on DCM but there are other venues that might also appreciate it such as you suggest.
DM is a veteran of the subject and I'm sure could point you at some sites that might also enjoy the story.

-Yoc

--- End quote ---

Please do suggest away then (especially if you think there would be more interested parties)

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